The Style Invitational Week 852: Small, Let's get --
Backward rhopalic sentences
Saturday, January 16, 2010; C02
This week's results are for
rhopalic sentences, ones in which each successive word is one letter longer.
Predictably, a lot of people found it hard to write a rhopalic sentence in
something approaching natural English syntax, let alone make it funny and
clever as well. And just as predictably, a number of Losers took right to this
contest So, by perhaps unpopular request, we'll do it again, backwards and in
high heels: This week: Write a rhopalic sentence (or fanciful newspaper
headline) in which each successive word is one letter shorter. Hyphenated words
or phrases may count as one word or more.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a necktie depicting
some sculpture by a guy named Rodin that looks exactly like the Inker except
that it is missing the paper bag over its head. From Beverley Sharp of
Washington, who happens to own five Inkers but does not tend to wear neckties.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser
Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener"
(Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your
entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, Jan. 25. Put "Week 852" in the subject line of your e-mail,
or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone
number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and
originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries
may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Feb. 13. No
purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their
immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be
disqualified. The revised title for next week's results and this week's honorable-mentions
subhead are both by Craig Dykstra.
Report from Week 848, in which we asked for rhopalic sentences, ones in which each
successive word is one letter longer. The question arose online on The Style
Conversational soon after the contest was announced: Do hyphenated words count
as one word or two? The Empress, with uncharacteristic leniency, ruled: either.
The winner of the Inker
I do fun, cool
stuff mostly: noogies, pantsing, spitballs, shoe-lacing, hand-buzzers,
elbow-farting, towel-snapping, nipple-twisting, flower-squirting . . . -- G.W.
Bush, Dallas (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
2. the winner of the three
lollipops with various critters embedded in them:
Dogs NEVER wonder whether
burglars underwent mitigating, exculpating, early-boyhood, gender-related
disappointment. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
3. Go out(,) West, urged
Taylor swiftly. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
4. My bra fits lower, dammit,
because gravity's heartless. (Lois Douthitt, Arlington)
Stretching it: Honorable mentions
We are agog after
Tiger's wrecked Cadillac discloses infidelity, triple-bogey extramarital
relationships. (Chris Doyle)
The weak vegan senses:
Sauteed reindeer satisfies completely! (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
King Midas dreamt, feeling
giltless. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)
"Oh, lie once again,
please!" lustily entreats Gabriella, Pinocchio's adventurous acquaintance.
(Mark Richardson, Washington)
Ice, salt, limes, shaker,
tequila = blissful margarita perfection. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
One word today equals
"Salahis": "chutzpah." (Pat Kanz, Ocean Pines, Md.)
I am not with child -- merely
heavier. Imbecile. (Paul Buckley, Bowie, a First Offender)
Palin writes notably readable
biography: Republican womanifesto. (John O'Byrne, Dublin)
Big-bank asset relief:
nothing ventured, something shanghaied. (Kevin Dopart)
"Bo, you been
fired!" Little Richard candidly announced. (Chris Doyle)
"I do," she says.
Groom silent. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
To his wife, Woods needed
ironing. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
"I Am Sam, Play
Again": Seuss's rhyming revision refreshes "Casablanca." (Kevin
Dopart)
Tiger should endorse
Fidelity. (Joe Neff, Warrington, Pa.)
"I am not
King Fairy," Oberon growled. (Chris Doyle)
Fly life cycle: larvae;
maggots; pupation; emergence; Cronenberg. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)
U Nu, the only
Burma leader elected, provides countless palindrome enthusiasts interminable
entertainment. (Chris Doyle)
"Oh, you heel!"
cried direly injured Achilles. (Beverley Sharp)
Best two-worder: Snow blows.
(Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
Best three-worder: Global
warming: chilling. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Best four-worder: Re 848:
This sucks. (Beverley Sharp)
And last:
Why Xmas wasn't widely enjoyed: Rhopalic sentences interfered. (Beverley Sharp)
More honorable mentions from Week 847
Find a sentence in The Post and supply a question it
could answer:
You'll just get a more
expensive blur.
What if I purchase an
impressionist painting at Sothebys instead of Wal-Mart? (Kevin Dopart)
There's a lot of pride in
Warren.
Okay, if it's not vanity, why
does he think that song is about him? (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
There's nothing like a few
good explosions to transcend pesky language barriers.
Briefly, what is your view on
diplomacy, Mr. Bin Laden? (Beverley Sharp)
What kind of accommodations
are you willing to tolerate?
What's the first thing you're
asked at Motel 5? (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
Isolated shower late.
What's the romantic forecast
if I dare tell my wife that her favorite red dress makes her look chunky?
(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)
The administration and some
of the nation's largest banks have hastened to part company in recent weeks.
Can you think of an example
of that old saying about a fool and his money? (Russell Beland)
With proper
instruction, you'll get the hang of it in no time -- and on your next attempt,
you'll be able to do it entirely on your own.
What was the best
advice Onan ever received? (Chris Doyle)
I'm really worried.
What did Alfred E. Neuman say
about the decline in magazine readership? (Russell Beland)
Next Week: Homonymphomania, or Earily Familiar
*This Week's Snafu: My change of heart on running more honorable
mentions as a Web supplement, and instead deciding to hold them for next week's
paper, was not picked up on the Washingtonpost.com stethoscope, and so the supplement was posted
online anyway sometime after 3:25 p.m on Friday. At 4:45 I asked that it be taken down. So those catching a glimpse of those entries
get to read at least most of them again in the Jan. 16 paper. I am not sure all of those entries will fit
next week, but I promise the Losers who were named in the Web supplement will
be represented next week as well.